Home in Tranquility
by Feeshies
Summary: "The templars and mages had their respective escape strategies. No one cared about the Tranquil. Then again, the Tranquil didn't care either." After the disbandment of the Circle of Magi, a tranquil mage returns home.


There was a time when the humid forest air would have bothered Luca. Maybe. Honestly, he no longer remembered what used to bother him.

No one ever told Luca what he should do if the Circles disbanded (or shattered, to be more accurate). There was no protocol for him. The templars and mages had their respective escape strategies. No one cared about the Tranquil. Then again, the Tranquil didn't care either.

But dying is not a favorable outcome for any situation. So when his friend, Aminah, told him to escape with her, he followed.

"Ridiculous!" Aminah stomped out of the woods before slumping down next to him on the side of the road. "I asked about twenty people and no one told me how to get to Lothering from here!"

Aminah's curly black hair was thrown back into a messy bun that was straining heavily against a fraying ribbon. The inky strands were tangled up with twigs and leaves. He would have said something back in the Circle. Back then, she would normally be grateful when he pointed out minor things about her appearance-as long as they were things she could quickly fix before running to her classes. She knew he was one of the few people who would give an honest response to the question "how do I look?".

But they were living in the wilderness now. Luca didn't know what the new rules of their friendship were.

"I don't know why I'm even trying this hard to go back home." Aminah scuffed the dirt around beneath her feet. "Lothering's dead anyway. I want to go somewhere with culture."

Aminah was an apostate. Any culture she would experience would be hiding from templars and frightening townsfolk.

Luca still didn't know what he was.

"Hey, you're being awfully quiet," she tilted her head to the side. "What's on your mind?"

It was a joke. Obviously only for her benefit, since Luca didn't have much use for jokes anymore.

"We should find some place to stay," he looked up at the light spilling in through the canopy of trees looming over them. "Our chances of getting killed will be much higher if we stay out when it gets dark."

"Right you are, as always," Aminah sighed. "Hopefully the next traveller will be more helpful."

Neither of them stood up. Luca was not going to make the first move. He stared at her, waiting for her orders. That didn't sound right.

Aminah looked lost as she stared up at the overcast sky. Her eyes almost looked like those of the tranquil.

"I don't want to go back to Lothering," her voice came out as a gentle murmur, her lips barely moving at all.

"But is this not what you wanted?" Luca tilted his head to the side. "You have the freedom to go home now."

"That also means I have the freedom to _not_ go home," Aminah sighed and rubbed her forehead. "My family wouldn't want to see me. I'm not going back to that."

"Why would they not want to see you?"

"They stopped writing to me, Luca."

Luca knew that there could be numerous reasons for why she hadn't received any letters from her parents, but he also knew that she wouldn't want to hear them.

"Still, we need to find a place to stay the night," Aminah glanced over at him. "What about your family? They're in the area, right?"

Luca didn't know what to say at first. The memories of his parents were cloaked in a thick blanket of dust. He remembered loving them. He remembered being loved by them. But mages in the Circle were encouraged to let go of any attachment to their outside lives. The Tranquil didn't have to be encouraged. Luca stopped writing to them after he got the brand. He stopped opening their letters. He knew this hurt them, but there were no other options. Besides, he had other obligations within the Circle to deal with.

Those obligations were over now.

"Maybe. If we keep walking, maybe I'll remember."

The two made their way down the winding forest path, doing whatever they could to draw as little attention as possible. The destruction of the Circles left a lot of vulnerable people wandering around Thedas-perfect for pickpockets and highwaymen. Aminah was wrapped in a plain brown cloak that masked the tattered remains of her Circle robes, but the staff strapped to her back definitely outed her as a runaway mage. Still, Luca knew she could defend them with a few fireballs if she had to even if her aim was rarely on point. It wasn't like he could do much if they got attacked. Maybe he could throw a rock really hard.

As they continued walking, their surroundings became increasingly familiar to Luca. He could remember the faint sound of fresh water splashing against rocks in the shallow creek nearby. He remembered how the trees became less dense and the air would become clear. He remembered the small heart that was carved into the smooth bark on one of the trees which used to help Luca find his way home. He remembered staring at that heart as he was taken away by the templars and knowing that he would never have to worry about finding his way home again. Luca knew he should have felt something by seeing that heart again. He knew he should be feeling a lot of things.

They took a break from walking so Aminah could shake the rocks out of her boots. Luca knelt down near the glistening creek and splashed a handful of the cool water on his face. Even after disrupting the surface, the water barely moved aside from lazily lapping at the shore. Luca stared at his reflection in the calm waters. He couldn't remember the last time he looked at his own face. His dark eyes were sleepy as always with heavy bags under them. His black hair was disheveled and definitely needed to be washed. He traced one of his bony fingers against the sunburst symbol burnt into his forehead, ugly and red against his pale skin. He would have felt his stomach drop if he could feel anything.

"Aminah," his throat creaked from being quiet for so long, possibly adding more emotion into his voice than he could do himself. "I don't think we should do this."

Aminah shoved her foot back into her boot and looked over at him.

"Do what?"

"We shouldn't see my family," he twirled his finger around in the water, tearing through the image of his own reflection. "They wouldn't want to see me."

"Why wouldn't they want to see you?" She sat down next to him. "I'm sure they miss you."

"They're going to have to keep missing," he sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest. "They don't want to see me as one of the Tranquil."

Aminah was quiet for a while, which was strange. She was usually the kind of person who would think out loud, much to the annoyance of many templars and enchanters. She frowned down at the bobbing water, her curly hair escaping from her ribbon and falling down over her furrowed brow.

"Aminah?"

"I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to do," she spoke slowly, which was also unusual for her. "But we can't spend the night out here."

"I apologize. I shouldn't have said anything. But my presence will only make them upset."

"What if we…" Aminah trailed off as she looked back up at him, or more specifically at his forehead.

In a swift movement, she untucked a few strands of his black hair from behind his ear and tried to brush them over his forehead.

"If only we had some scissors, maybe I could cut you some cute bangs." She frowned deeper as she tried to style his hair in a way that would cover the symbol on his forehead, but nothing seemed to work.

"They would notice eventually," Luca didn't move and just allowed her to continue playing with his hair. "But it's okay."

"Wait!" Aminah reached behind her head and untied the ribbon from around her hair, only managing to free it after a few harsh tugs. She unfolded the ribbon so it was at its full width then tied it around his forehead. The very edge of the Tranquil brand was still poking out through the bottom of the faded blue fabric, but it was far from recognizable.

"What if they ask me why I have a ribbon over my face?" Luca looked back at his reflection, securing the ribbon so it covered more of his brand.

"We can say it's a fashion statement or something. But to be honest, that's the least of our problems."

Luca stopped fiddling with the ribbon.

"What do you mean?"

"You still act...tranquil."

"But I am tranquil."

"Yes, but that's the-" Aminah's voice choked on the word _problem_. "...that's what we need to work on."

"Is it something that can even be worked on?"

"I don't know, but we have to try. Start by opening your eyes a bit more. You need to look alert."

Luca nodded and opened his eyes as far as they would go. Aminah shook her head.

"No, no. Not all the way. You look like someone zapped you in the butt."

He tried relaxing his eyelids a tiny bit, but he had no way of knowing whether or not he was doing it right. To his surprise, Aminah nodded.

"Better. Much better. Now let's try smiling."

Great. Luca knew how to smile. Most of the tranquil were encouraged to assume a peaceful smile so others would be comfortable around them.

"Nice work, but usually people's eyes crinkle up too when they smile."

Luca paused. He would have to focus on moving his eyes as well as his mouth? That was just too much. Still, he didn't want to disappoint Aminah, so as he formed his usual tranquil smile, he squinted his eyes.

"Uh…you know what? We can keep practicing."

"But it will be dark soon"

"We can practice fast."

Luca continued to work on his expressions, using his reflection in the creek as a guide. He tried to think of Aminah for reference. The way her brow crinkled when she got lost in thought. The way the dimples on her cheeks deepened whenever she smiled. Those features that were once so distracting and now were so alien. He tried to remember what it was like to smile just by thinking about someone. Maybe if he tried hard enough, it would almost feel real again.

The forest was ablaze in bright orange and gold light as Luca lead Aminah through the forest. Each footstep felt more and more familiar. It felt like coming home, but at the same time Luca felt like he was breaking into someone else's home. The real Luca's home, not Tranquil Luca's. These memories belonged to the real Luca. Tranquil Luca was just storing them.

Aminah knelt down to admire the little Dalish statues near the front path as Luca knocked on the door. The house looked the same. Thatched roof, walls constructed from large round stones. Even the moss growing between the crevices was still there. Nothing had changed. But at the same time, everything had changed.

The door opened revealing a tall Elven man-his father. His once jet black hair was streaked with gray. The wrinkles marking his forehead dug through the vallaslin tattooed into his skin. Luca saw his face morph between at least a hundred of different emotions, way more than he could attempt to replicate. Instead, Luca's face remained still.

Luca tried to force some emotion into his voice, but his father wrapped his arms around him before he could get a sound out.

" _Aneth ara_ , my son," he choked out. "I'm so happy you're safe."

Luca didn't expect to hear those words again. Even though he looked human, he remembered speaking a few scatterings of Elven phrases back home around his father. When he was in the Circle, he found comfort having short conversations in Elven among some of the other apprentices. It felt like home. However after he was made tranquil, the templars ordered him to stop speaking the language as there would be no use for it anymore.

Even with the Circle gone and standing in the arms of his father, Luca couldn't bring himself to use the language without feeling like he was breaking a rule.

"Aminah?" Luca craned his neck away from his father's head, "This is Tamlhen, my father."

Luca hoped that Aminah would take on the burden of expressing emotions and fortunately his hope paid off. She stopped petting one of the halla statues and jumped to her feet.

"Nice to meet you! I'm Aminah. Luca and I escaped the Circle together."

"I apologize for showing up without a warning," Luca spoke quietly, hoping the low volume would mask the flatness of his voice. "But we had nowhere else to go."

His father shook his head,

"For years I was afraid you wouldn't show up at all," he moved away from Luca and turned to open the door. "Please, come in. You're home now."

Luca nodded and walked through the doorway, soon followed by Aminah.

"You're doing great," she whispered and gave him a thumbs up.

Somehow Luca doubted this, but he returned the gesture nonetheless.

Not a single piece of furniture had moved since Luca last stepped foot in that house. It was as if everything was frozen in time. The floorboards beneath his feet creaked in the same way they always did. Near the far wall was a finely-polished statue of Andraste standing proudly beside an equally glimmering halla statue. The air was thick with the smell of potato soup and a log was crackling in the fireplace nearby. Nothing had changed. It was like Luca was gone for ten minutes and not ten years.

"Mirela!" his father called, leaning into the kitchen. "There's someone you need to see."

Luca wished his father gave him a few minutes to rehearse his reactions, but he was given no such luxury. Stepping out of the kitchen was his mother, a short human woman with swept-back brown hair, wringing a rag between her hands. The minute she saw him, her eyes widened and the rag fell to the floor. Luca wished he had something to drop as well. Perhaps that could help with his reactions.

"Luca?!" Without even waiting for an explanation, his mother ran towards him and pulled him into a forceful hug.

He stood there like a statue and glanced over at Aminah.

She looked back at him and mimed a hugging motion with her arms and mouthed the words hug her back .

Luca nodded and draped his arms around his mother's quivering shoulders.

"I prayed to the Maker every day," she sobbed against him. "I knew he would bring you back to us."

Somewhere behind him, Luca heard his father mumble _this was the Creators' doing._

"Mother, this is Aminah," he wiggled away so he could gesture to her. "She helped me escape the Circle."

For a moment he was certain that she would have noticed his wooden delivery, but instead his mother moved away from him and pulled Aminah into an equally tight hug. Aminah initially yelped in response, but she quickly returned the sentiment.

His father placed his hand on Luca's shoulder, a motion that used to make him feel safe and loved and now felt like...a hand on his shoulder.

"We're happy you're home."

His mother finally released Aminah from the relentless bear hug.

"And you're just in time for dinner!"

Luca locked eyes with Aminah, who pointed at her own face as she gave a big smile. He nodded and tried to replicate the expression to the best of his ability.

"Thank you."

* * *

Luca ate his potato soup slowly, scanning the table with his eyes to pick up on any new reactions he could make use of. Aminah sat beside him, not really eating her soup so much as inhaling it.

"So, Luca," his father set his spoon down, the lines of his vallaslin intensifying in the flickering candlelight. "I've been meaning to ask you about that...thing on your head."

"Are you hurt?" His mother almost got out of her chair to join Luca on his side of the table.

Luca had forgotten about the ribbon for a moment and thought his tranquil brand was on full display. He reached up and felt the smooth cloth tied securely around his forehead.

"It's…"

Luca looked over at Aminah for support. She was gesturing something to him, but her movements were subtle enough that he could not pick up on them. He focused closely on her face, trying to figure out what she was trying to tell him. Eventually, he got it.

"I have a pimple on my forehead. The ribbon is so I don't pick at it and leave a scar."

Apparently that wasn't what Aminah meant. Luca chose to ignore her obviously offended expression.

"I heard about what happened to the Circles," his father shook his head as he stared down at his food. "Horrifying. How did you manage to escape?"

"I followed Aminah," Luca folded his hands neatly in front of him. "There were a lot of abominations and violent Templars. I didn't know where to go amidst the chaos, but Aminah helped me escape the tower. I would probably still be back there if it weren't for her."

Luca didn't realize how flat his voice was until it was too late.

"Luca are you alright? You sound a little…" his father's voice trailed off. "...strange."

"I apologize," he looked down at his hands. "I am still in shock from everything that has happened. There are so many emotions rushing through my brain that I don't know how to properly express them."

Luca snuck a glance at Aminah, who gave him a thumbs up under the table.

His father still looked concerned, but he went back to his soup.

"I'm sorry. I can't begin to imagine the horrors you must have witnessed. I hope we can all move on from the Circle."

"But we don't have to talk about that now," Luca's mother interjected with a nervous laugh. "Especially not when we have a guest."

"Hmm?" Aminah looked up from her bowl, her face stuffed with soup.

"So, Luca..." his mother drew each word out as she formed a wide smile. "Why don't you tell me a little about Aminah?"

Luca tilted his head to the side,

"Why me? You could probably get a better answer from her."

"Mirela…" his father sighed, shaking his head.

"No, I mean…" she twirled her spoon around in her soup while she carefully pieced her words together. "Are you two just friends, or…"

Aminah choked on her soup.

"Oh," Luca didn't know why she wouldn't just ask him. It seemed much easier. "No, Aminah and I are good friends. Actually, I used to have a crush on her, but I…"

Luca stopped abruptly, realizing he almost gave himself away.

"...But I got over it."

His parents exchanged looks, but they apparently decided not to press the issue further.

From under the table, Aminah gave him another thumbs up. Although this time it seemed less confident than the last one. Luca returned the gesture.

Aminah carried the conversation for the rest of the dinner, giving Luca a well-appreciated break. For whatever reason, Aminah didn't pick up on how his parents' expressions shifted to pity after she mentioned her family in Lothering. Even Luca noticed that.

"Oh dear," his mother craned her neck over the chair so she was facing the fireplace. "The fire's dying. Tamlhen, could you take care of that, please?"

"This is a perfect opportunity," his father smiled at Luca, a glimmer in his dark eyes. "What do you say, Luca? Want to show off some of your magic?"

Luca placed his spoon against the edge of the wooden bowl.

"I really shouldn't."

"Tamlhen, you shouldn't encourage Luca to use his magic so carelessly."

"What's so careless about lighting a fireplace?"

"All I'm saying is that after everything that has happened with the Circle, Luca shouldn't be anywhere near magic."

"He is magic! He will never be able to get away from it!"

"It's too risky and I won't let-"

"I'll do it!" Aminah stood up. "I'm better at fire spells anyway."

She patted Luca on the shoulder and rushed towards the fireplace before anyone could make a move to stop her.

Aminah's absence left the rest of the household in a thick silence. Luca thought he was getting better at replicating emotions, but he had no idea what his parents were thinking just by looking at them. His father looked angry, but that could have been from the harsh lines of his tattoos. His mother was smiling wide, but her eyes were filled with sadness.

"Your friend is lovely," his mother eventually spoke up.

Luca nodded.

"She's a good friend."

The silence continued. Luca shifted to the side in an attempt to get a glimpse at Aminah's progress with the fireplace, but no such luck.

"Luca, I know life in the Circle must have been difficult. And I know you must have had your reasons," his father spoke slowly, steepling his fingers. "But your mother and I were wondering why you haven't written us back for so long."

Luca shrugged,

"The letters must have gotten misplaced."

Lying still didn't come naturally to him, but these lies were meant to make his parents' lives easier, so surely it was the most logical thing to do. He thought that this answer would have been enough, but that wasn't the case.

"We promised we'd write you as often as we could," his mother's voice shook. "Is there anyone you could have gone to about this?"

"I'd bet that the Circle was purposely withholding our letters."

His mother scoffed,

"Now why would they do that?"

"The same reason why we even have a mage rebellion."

"Please. You don't know the first thing about the rebellion."

Luca sank further into his chair as the argument grew more biting.

"Sending him to the Circle was your idea, need I remind you."

"I'm his mother! I know what's best for him!"

"And I'm his father, and I know you sent our son to a glorified prison!"

"You're so dramatic. Don't act like you didn't agree to send him off as well!"

"Luca?!" Aminah called from the living room. "Can you help me? I'm trying to remember this spell and it's really confusing."

Luca stood up without a second thought,

"Dinner was lovely, thank you."

He hurried past his parents and joined Aminah in the living room, taking a seat beside her in front of the fireplace.

"The fire looks fine. What spell did you need help remembering?"

"I got the spell, don't worry," Aminah shrugged, her gaze lost in the dancing flames. "I just wanted to get you out of there."

Luca wanted to reassure Aminah that the argument didn't bother him, but he decided to let her have this.

"Thank you."

She smiled at him,

"Any time."

* * *

Aminah was given a small guest room to sleep in while Luca was asked to stay in his childhood bedroom. Luca didn't expect his parents to keep that room. But there is was, completely untouched even after all these years. Every object was coated in a thick layer of dust and when Luca opened the door, the dust particles danced around the cold still air. The pillow was still dented from the last time he slept in his own bed.

"I wanted to keep everything the same," his mother stood beside him, a bundle of nearly-folded blankets tucked under her arms. "In case you came back."

Luca watched as she knelt down next to a large wooden chest beside the bed, the only item that was dusted clean.

"Can I show you something?"

He sat down beside her on the cold stone floor and leaned over her shoulder. The chest was mostly filled with old clothes but nested in the center was a thick leather-bound book.

"I kept everything," The pages crinkled as his mother opened the pages. "Your old poems, your letters from the Circle, everything."

She handed the book to Luca. Each page was so brittle, he thought they would crumble beneath his fingers. The collection ended with Luca's last letter from the Circle. Luca traced a finger over the final sentence.

 _I'm going to be fine. I promise._

He felt his mother's hand on his arm and he looked over to see her sad smile.

"And you were right. You're okay."

Luca looked back down at the book. The leather was extraordinarily nice, too nice for a collection of preteen poetry and scribbled letters. They could have used the material for something more useful.

"Do you still write poems? You were so talented."

"No," he carefully turned through the pages. "I haven't been able to lately."

His mother fell silent. He could only hear the sound of her breathing and the fragile paper moving beneath his fingers.

"Luca...are you mad at me?"

He stopped and turned to face her again. Her face looked like it was about to fall apart just like the pages.

"I'm not mad."

"You're not mad about being sent to the Circle?"

"The Circle was important," Luca looked back down at the book. "I couldn't control my magic before. But I'm...I'm better now."

It seemed as if a massive weight was lifted from her shoulders.

"You don't know how reassuring it is to hear that. Your father…" she paused, then shook her head. "I know magic is a tremendous burden, but I still love you. You know that, right?"

Luca nodded.

"I know it will be difficult to get used to all of this, but I promise I'll make it work. I'll find a suitable trainer to help you with your magic."

Luca nodded.

"Also," his mother smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You need to tell me about Aminah."

Luca looked towards the direction of her room.

"You can go talk to her if you want."

She laughed and patted his shoulder.

"I'm so glad you didn't lose your sense of humor," she stood up. "Do you want me to tuck you in? Like I used to? I know you're probably too old for that, but…"

"No, it's okay." Luca remained on the floor, the heavy book still in his lap. "Mother?"

"What is it, dear?"

"Why did you keep all of this?" He looked around the petrified state of his childhood bedroom. "The book, this room, you didn't have to waste it on me."

"It's not a waste, Luca," his mother stood in the doorway with her head down. "We held on to everything because we love you. You're still a part of this family, even if you are a mage."

Luca understood what she was saying, but it had been over a decade. He thought she would have moved on by then.

"I understand," The pages crinkled as he closed the book. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Luca."

Luca found a sleeping shirt and a nightcap stuffed into the chest. Fortunately they still fit him. His forehead felt sweaty when he finally removed the ribbon and replaced it with the cap. He stood over the bed and stared at the dented pillow and the slightly-ruffled blankets. His parents obviously wanted to preserve this room. Should he really ruin it?

But he needed to sleep to have adequate energy the next day, so he laid down. The bed was so much softer than anything he slept on back in the Circle. It would be easy to fall asleep. At least it should have been. Luca found himself staring at the wooden wall that was just inches from his face. The wood grain was still littered with faint scorch marks. One of Luca's first experiences with magic. He could have burnt the entire house down if he was just a little more powerful. The Rite of Tranquility was a good thing.

From behind him, Luca could hear the door to his bedroom opening. He curled up into a ball and secured his nightcap so it covered more of his forehead.

"Are you sleeping?" His father's voice floated through the room, much softer than how it sounded earlier at dinner.

"No," he answered without a second thought.

The bed creaked when he sat down and Luca felt a steady hand on his back.

"I want to apologize for what happened at dinner," his father began slowly. "I wish you didn't have to see that."

"It's okay," Luca pressed his face into the pillow in an attempt to mask the flatness of his voice.

"I still cannot believe you're back," the hand began rubbing his back. "For years, I've prayed that someday I'd see you again. I almost lost hope. Your mother and I never stopped loving you, Luca."

Luca nodded.

"Just know that whatever the Circle taught you about magic, it isn't true," his father whispered. "Your magic was never a curse. Your magic is one of the many things I love about you. Even if the Chantry doesn't think so, that doesn't matter. What matters more is that you know this. I want you to love yourself, Luca."

"Okay." Luca didn't know what else to say. If only Aminah prepared him for this.

"Luca?" The hand on his back stopped moving. "Luca, can you look at me, please?"

It wasn't phrased as an order, but Luca rolled onto his back and sat up nonetheless. His father smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I know I should have stopped them from taking you away. Can you ever forgive me for this?"

Luca stared at the tattoos on his forehead. He wondered if his father felt the same getting them as he did when he got his tranquil brand.

"I forgive you."

The crease in his forehead deepened as his father's smile faded into a frown. Before Luca could say anything, he reached out and pulled back the brim of his nightcap, leaving his brand exposed.

Luca sat in the silence, waiting for his father to say something. It didn't happen for a while.

"Luca?" his voice was so soft it was almost impossible to hear. "What is this? What did they do to you?"

"I'm tranquil," Luca didn't have to disguise his voice anymore. It was almost freeing. "My magic was too dangerous. The Rite of Tranquility severed my connection to the Fade. I am no longer able to perform magic, dream, or experience emotions."

His father took a step back, moving off of the bed. Luca had no trouble reading the absolute horror on his face.

"Who did this to you?!" He was obviously trying to keep his voice down, but he wasn't doing a very good job at it.

"The Knight Commander and the First Enchanter both have to sign an agreement to allow me to undergo the ritual," Luca answered calmly. "I did not catch the names of the Templars who took me."

His father paced around the room, burying his fists in his hair and cursing under his breath.

"How long have you been like this?!"

"A few years."

"Will it ever go away?!"

"No."

"How do we get rid of it?!"

"You can't."

He stopped pacing. His eyes were red and filled with tears that were leaking down his face.

"Why did they do this to you? Why you?!"

Luca looked down at his hands,

"I asked them to. I knew I wouldn't pass my Harrowing. I couldn't handle my magic."

No response. At least, not a verbal one. His father stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Luca knew his father would have felt better if he told him that the ritual was performed on him against his will.

Well, there was nothing he could do about that now. Luca placed the cap back over his head and went back to sleep.

Or at least, he tried to. He could hear arguing from the living room. Faint at first, but it gradually grew louder and louder. Luca learned to sleep through just about anything, but it must have been uncomfortable for Aminah. He should do something.

The arguing became even louder as Luca crept into the living room. His father was pacing angrily around the room while his mother sat at the dinner table. They didn't seem to notice him, but his presence was everywhere in the words they yelled at each other.

"Don't act like you didn't have a say in him going to the Circle, Tamlhen!"

"You're the one who wanted to ship him off the second he started showing signs of magic!"

"Maybe if he started training early, he wouldn't be like this!"

"You mean they would have taught him to hate himself earlier! I could have taught him!"

"You aren't even a mage!"

"No, but at least my people know how to treat mages!"

Luca shifted from foot to foot, unsure where or when to cut in. It didn't matter how loud he spoke. His voice was not powerful enough to compete with theirs.

"Don't you dare go there!" she stood up from the table, her chair toppling over from the abrupt motion. "He is just as much a human as he is an elf!"

"And you've always been ashamed of that side of our family!"

" _Ashamed_?!" she waved her hand manically towards the statues presented near the far wall. "I have a statue of one of your deer things next to the bride of the Maker!"

His father stopped pacing in front of the statues.

"It's not a deer, it's a halla and you know that! And that doesn't change the fact that you've always been ashamed of Luca's elven blood and his magic!"

"He is my son, Tamlhen!"

"He is my son too!"

Luca didn't see his father pick up the small statue of Andraste until he saw it flying across the room. It bounced against the doorframe and landed near Luca's feet.

The arguing stopped. Tears were forming in his mother's eyes when she saw him. His father wouldn't look at him.

"Luca…" she stood up and rushed towards him. "Luca, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, but you should keep it down. Aminah is trying to sleep."

"No, I mean about…" she stopped, her eyes fixated on his brand.

Luca stared down at the statue of Andraste. He remembered how perfect it looked back on its pedestal, glimmering in the sunlight. There was a scratch on the side from when it smashed against the doorframe. Or perhaps it was from hitting the stone floor. Either way, Luca knew that if he never stepped foot in the house, the statue would still be on its pedestal.

He turned away from his mother and headed towards the front door.

"Luca?" she called after him. "Luca, please come back!"

"Don't bother. He can't be reasoned with."

Luca stepped out into the cold and closed the door before he could hear their argument continue.

The mossy forest floor squished beneath his bare feet. It was way too cold to be outside, but that didn't matter. It was better this way.

He sat down next to one of the trees, tucking his feet under his legs in an attempt to keep warm. It wasn't safe for someone to be outside at night, especially someone as vulnerable as him. But that didn't matter. Perhaps if he stayed away long enough, everything would return to normal.

Luca was momentarily taken out of his thoughts when he felt a warm blanket being draped over his shoulders. He looked up expecting to see one of his parents, but instead he saw Aminah.

"What are you doing out here?" She secured the blanket around his shoulders and sat down next to him. "It's freezing."

Luca shrugged,

"It's better for me to be out here. I'm sorry about the noise."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. How are you?"

"I'm always fine."

Aminah sighed, obviously frustrated with his answer.

"It still isn't safe for you to be alone out here like this. Please, what's going on?"

Luca looked down at the forest floor,

"Back in the Circle, I knew how to stay in my place. If they wanted me to work, I would work. If they wanted me to go away, I would go away. But ever since I returned home, my very presence has has made people's lives harder," his voice was shaking slightly because of the cold, but it was still monotone as always. "I've never been a burden before. I don't know what I am supposed to do."

Aminah reached for his hands, which were so much colder than hers.

"You've never been a burden, Luca. You will never be a burden."

"You don't have to try and make me feel better. I'm okay. I'm just stating a fact," he kept his hands still in her gentle grasp. "It hasn't even been a day and my parents got into two fights. My mother's statue of Andraste has a scratch in it because of me. I shouldn't have come."

"That scratch was probably there long before you showed up, but okay," she smiled at him. "If it isn't safe for you to be here, we can leave. But we should probably wait until morning."

"Please don't misunderstand. My parents are good people. They care about my well-being."

"It's okay. You don't have to explain anything you don't want to."

Luca still didn't understand why Aminah continued to use words like "want" or "feel" with him. Perhaps it was a way for her to keep up the illusion that their friendship never changed. Maybe his parents could learn to do the same thing as well. He still remembered how Aminah reacted after he went through the Rite of Tranquility. There was screaming, crying, an explosion of violent reactions that Luca couldn't comprehend anymore. What if the fight between his parents was the same thing? Emotions were fleeting. Everything would be back to normal eventually.

But it was too soon to expect any real changes.

"If we were to leave, where would we go?"

"We could always shoot for Lothering again," Aminah shrugged. "I didn't want to go back, but we're not exactly in the position to make any real choices."

"Okay. We can go to Lothering."

"We can make a game out of it. To see which one of us will have the most awkward family reunion."

Aminah smiled at him, and Luca found it easy to fake a smile in return.


End file.
